I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The best revenge is premature balding
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
