She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
