not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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