too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
