Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
