I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
