I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
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