gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
