im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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