pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
