You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
