Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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