You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
