oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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