I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
