i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Two words: nipple clamps
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