Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
