Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Nobody cheats on THIS.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
