So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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