His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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