I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
