I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
