the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
