TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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