Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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