I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
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I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
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no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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