I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
