Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
