He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
