Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
