Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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