He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
