Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Be still, my beating vagina.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
