What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
