That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
