I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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