just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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