The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
