I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
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I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
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Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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