why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
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Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
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I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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