he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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