I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
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I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
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Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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