i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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