I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
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So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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