Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
