You're my little dorito
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
