Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
