i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
No subtext here. People are naked.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
