I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Dear god my vagina.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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