i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
