In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
