Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
