Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Floor bacon is actually really good
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
