Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
