if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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