Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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