I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
