So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
