You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
