TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Randomize
