he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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