dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
