I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
