True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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