Im at strip club and am horny
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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