Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
