i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
