I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
