dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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