SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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