my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
