Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
