P.S. I can't hear my feet
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
