Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I feel like a drive thru vagina
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
