i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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